I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
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I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
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Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
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