I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
