Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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