Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
the condom got lost in my hair
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
