I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Can I color on your dick again?
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
