I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
im holly from the hills drunk
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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