I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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