I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
