I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
