dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
