ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
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