Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
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I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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