Have fun with your cool freestyling girlfriend!
She can rap better than you any day
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
