You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
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Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
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We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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