The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
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the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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