what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize