I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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