so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
Randomize
