Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
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I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
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I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
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