There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
