So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
