dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
