I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
