I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
If he comes back to you and I'm left alone in lonelytown I'm totally going to poo on your car.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
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