Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
