ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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