just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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