Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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