i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
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