I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
