you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Can't talk, ducks in the car
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Randomize
