and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Randomize