thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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