my being single is dangerous.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
