There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
