You can't motorboat a personality
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
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