oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
