I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
