If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Randomize
