i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
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