Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
