oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
