smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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