I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
When your boyfriends ex-girlfriend texts you to see what you're wearing to his sister's wedding that you were not invited to, nor knew about. I think it's time to call it quits.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
