Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize
