Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
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