i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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