don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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