Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
