Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Randomize
