how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.