how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I got a dollar bill stuffed into my bra on two separate occasions by two separate guys simply for having boobs. I feel like somewhere god is patting himself on te back while pointing at me goin "you're welcome dude." easiest two bucks I ever made.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.