Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
29 Cringeworthy Situations People Realized They Shouldn’t Be In
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.