Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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