I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
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