So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
