it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
