You just made me feel so damn special
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
