She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are we still banned from the library?
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize