There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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