no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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