I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
Randomize
