we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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