nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
