hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
